I'm soooooooooooo done with my life. Not only with mine, but with life in general. For fuck's sake, yesterday night it happened again. Once again I was at the cinema with Jose, watching Big Hero 6, a movie that I didn't even want to watch, I went to the cinema trying to make Jose happy because he loves Disney movies... We bought the tickets, a few gummies, popcorn... And I felt so happy to spend time with him out of home, so I kissed him and I put my head on his shoulder while I watched the film. During this time, a woman that was siting near us, changed her sit. Half an hour later, and after being looking at us for a long time, the man who was sitting close to us also moved. 
What happened? What's wrong? I'm so tired of this that I'm not going to finish this post, I'm going to let you guess who did it wrong here. I'm out.

The Turbulence

I thought it was something that was just happening to me, but I guess I'm not that special. I'll explain that: I get really creative and emotional when I'm depressed or in a bad moment, so did Van Gogh. 

Van Gogh was a real genius that painted one of the hardest concepts in sciences: the Turbulence. 

He painted the Starry Night in one of his worst moments, when he wasn't himself, and made his problems art. It only happens with the Starry Night, and some more canvas that he painted when he cut his ear. We can see the Turbulence explained in this video: 

It is so brilliant how our brain takes us to the limits of the Earth, and as the sentence says, 

"The Earth without art is eh..."

Dear friend,

It’s been a long time since we don’t talk. I’ve been missing you a lot, you know? We used to be stick together, but now…

How’s everything going? I heard you’re dating someone… I guess it’s the reason we don’t talk that often. You don’t need me anymore. I used to be your muse, do you remember it? I’m sure you do… Since you left I’m reaching for you. Every day. Every month. Every year. I almost get you this past September 16^th, I beg it was tough for you, but you didn’t call me, I saw you from the distance, I got closer when you started crying. You thought you were alone in your room, but I was there.

I hope you consider to meet me again, even if you don’t miss me, I’ll be there helping you to write in your deepest sadness.

Sincerely yours, your muse, your deepest pains,

Your passed depression.

Hey…

Yes… I know it’s been a long time since you came around. Everything it’s awesome, as you may know.

Yes, I’m dating someone. And yes, he’s one of the reasons you’re not here and you’re not going to come back. 

I’m sorry for you, I’m sorry for being that rude, but talking to you again makes me wanna throw up.

I’m not alone anymore. 

You say that I was crying, but you might have leave before my mother came into my room to cry with me. To support me. To love me. I guess you didn’t see it, or maybe you didn’t want to see it, huh?

I’m sure I will meet you every 16^th of every month, but won’t last forever.

The aim of writing this was only for me to saying it to you.

I don’t need you to write.

I don’t need you to be there.

I was never yours.

Fuck you and never come back,

Juan Antonio. 

Comparing, contrasting and describing.

I learnt a few months ago to not compare with my sister, but today I have to do it in order that I didn't write here for a long time (I'm sorry, but I'm not inspired). 

The main difference between us is the gender, of course, she's a girl, although I have more boobs than her (sorry honey, but it's true, I've been eating a lot since you went to Turkey hahahaha). We may seem equal, as my boyfriend told me yesterday "the only difference is that your sister plucks her eyebrows!" But he's wrong... Most of you already barely know my personality, well, my sister is just the opposite: I have no shame. None at all. My sister does. She REALLY does. And of course here comes the topic that "girls are smarter than boys", that's not true, but in this case... I sadly say yes, it's true. Maybe she is smarter than me or I'm just too lazy to be as smart as she is. 

We used to fight a lot when we were kids, and we usually do it now that both are grown ups... I remember be kicking her door and screaming to my mother that she was hitting me and having fights with her more realistic than SmackDown Wrestling. 

By the way, what I meant with this is just write, even though it sucks because I have 0 inspiration, it was going to be in honor of my old and only sister (I'm not going to say her name because there's a lot of vicious people in class and they're going to look for her in Facebook ¬¬). Hahahaha. 

Here I adjunct some pictures of us, so you can compare and write who's the most beautiful (of course me). 

Most of the time when I get stressed, I just lay in my bed with my earphones dreaming about who could I be if I wasn’t myself. Trying to fly away from problems. Rozalén helps me when I feel like that.

There’s a lot of people who don’t know who she is, I’m lucky to know who she is. Rozalén is one of my favourite singers, and I had the pleasure to kiss her and hug her twice, talk to her and smash the myth that famous people live all above us. When you talk to her… I don’t know, it’s just like when you hear her music, it touches your heart to see that she’s just like you.

One thing that makes her even more special is that she sings to everyone, even deaf people, taking her music to every corner of the humanity. 

I had the chance to listen her twice in live, and I'm bringing her to this blog today for you to listen her. I was meant to write about cute things in this blog, so here’s Rozalén and here’s her music.

This is 'Eye in the sky', a cover that she made of the band Alan Parsons Project, live in Romea's Theater (10/10/14)

And here I post some photos I took of her the same day in this concert:

 Here's when she started singing with no mic. I'm sure all of us could hear her from every place of the theater... It was awesome.

And avoiding my face, here I am with Jose and Rozalén. 

It was a magic night.

Fuck you, 16/09/2013

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Respect is something that we learn when we are young. Most of us learned to respect everyone's choices or decisions, but not all of us do it when we feel secure to criticize someone's decisions.
This summer I was walking with my boyfriend on the beach, when five or six twats turned back when they realized we were holding hands. They began to yell at us things like 'fags', one of them said: 'Oh my god, why?!', and I thought: why what? Why are you such an asshole, or why do not love yourself enough to love other people's life? I assumed he was straight (or a gay that it's still in the deepest side of his closet), and I respect that as I should be respected for being happy. 
It happened again while we were shopping, a girl and two boys, all of them were black-colored skin, starred at us and also screamed at us something that I did not want to understand. So I just think, you were probably bullied for being black (and I am not being racist), you understand that you are black and you understand that you are human, so why do you treat other people like you were treated if you were not happy being treated like that? Why do you want to make unhappy other people? You are black. I am homosexual. Both of us are human.
I just try to respect everyone as much as they respect me, and I wonder what would happen if heterosexuality would be treated as homosexuality. 
Here you can watch a little video where you can feel the same as I felt when I was a child, and the same as I feel when I go out pretending to be happy in an unhappy society. 

It's funny to think that you know yourself, but the funniest thing is when you discover that you don't know anything about you, at least until you fall in love.
I used to think I was not jealous, and then I surprised myself looking at my boyfriend's Dropbox account pictures. He has one with his ex, and I don't blame him, but I felt like the whole world was tumbling down. I started thinking if he was better than me, why was my boyfriend with him?
One way to face being jealous is having confidence with the one you love, so I just asked him about his past life. It's surprising to see how much we do have in common, at least making mistakes like dating assholes. And I apply that to myself too, I've dated a few twats in my life...
The point of writing this is that I'm opening myself to a new world that I've never visited before, I guess, and of course because I have to write in this blog if I want to pass my exams with a good mark!
I bet everyone is a little bit jealous inside even if we don't want to recognize it, and I also bet that I will have to be patient about it and trust my boyfriend: he chose me and I chose him.
By the way, what I meant with that was only to think while I write about it, in how much I have changed in three months...
For fuck's sake, I'm in love!

Fear of not having fears.
Fear of the fears that I don't have and I will.
Fear of being awake while you sleep.
Fear of sleeping while you're awake.
Fear of losing you like a stolen kiss that takes my breath away.
Fear of loving.
Fear of not being loved.
Fear of fearing you.