sábado, 10 de enero de 2015

Since I "came out" [to come out is something I would love to never hear again (I hope one day no one have to tell someone that he/she's attracted to the same gender), that would mean that we progressed a lot], I have experienced few situations that, by my perspective, are disgusting and experiences I pray for people to not live. One of these situations -besides of being shouted-, is awful. What I am talking about is the disgrace of walking holding hands with your beloved, if he/she's the same gender as you are.
It might seem not such a big deal, and I thought it was not a big deal when I started dating with Jose. Something that proves that I thought it was not necessarily for us to hide of the public view, was that, on our first date, I hold his hand on the street of the new city where now I live (not as big as Murcia, but bigger than my village). It was a short path to where he had parked his car, but I enjoyed every meter that our hands kept together. Nothing happened. There was not many people on the street, and they seemed not to notice us.
Then the summer ended and I started university with everything that it involved, moving to a bigger city, for instance. I remember I thought, nothing happened when I hold Jose's hand in my city, why should something happen here, in a big city where everyone is caring only about what happen in their life? So I decided to have a walk with Jose through Santo Domingo, through Gran Vía... Enjoying the views, spending time together... Then I heard the same bad comments I heard once at the shore (as you might remember from an older post). I started noticing sights, whispers, staring eyes... And that made me feel uncomfortable.
Since then, nothing has been the same. I started looking for excuses to not holding hands, smoking more than usual to keep my hands out of Jose's hands... That makes me feel so stupid. Stupid because I let myself down for a few busybodies! I love Jose and I am afraid of showing it because I am afraid of someone hurting him, his feelings, or even his own person... I bet this was what all the people who called me fag since I was a child was expecting me to do, to become weak so they can do with me what they want. I used not to be like that, but now I have someone I truly love, and inside, something tells me that I have to protect him, even if it hurts me much more than a drubbing.
Finally, I want you, reader, to do something for me, for yourself, for everyone you have judged without being able to be on their feet, and it is what this video explains. Now you have to chose if you want an humanity where "coming out" still exist, or an humanity where love is respected equally.

domingo, 4 de enero de 2015

Christmas holidays brought me a lot of things. Things that I love, such as notes of English culture, or a whole German book to be studied. Now being serious, Christmas brought me a travel to Valencia; a coat to keep myself warm while I study in my flat (my flat is goddamn cold in winter and so freaking hot in summer); a mug of Game of Thrones that I love with a book that I was hoping to read soon, Inferno, by Dan Brown; a pair of Vans from my boyfriend that are super comfortable... 

Apart from the material stuff, Christmas brought me the tears of my grandfather missing my grandma during new year's eve; a visit to the cardiologist with mom; my mother stop smoking... Christmas brought me support and love; warm nights hugging my boyfriend; a hanky to dry my grandfather's tears, and nights begging to see my grandfather, at least, during a year more and hoping for more years with him. 

I guess Christmas is just another good excuse to be with your family, to love them even more if you can, and to pray for not miss them in a long time, because that would mean that you've got them there with you, saying that you have to study or to tidy your room. Being as tiring as always, and loving how tiring they are. 

Happy new year to everyone who's reading this, keep loving your family as if you were going to miss them tomorrow, don't focus on material things, because things break and you can fix them or buy them again, but what really hurts is being broken because of losing someone and not being able to spend more time with them.