It might seem not such a big deal, and I thought it was not a big deal when I started dating with Jose. Something that proves that I thought it was not necessarily for us to hide of the public view, was that, on our first date, I hold his hand on the street of the new city where now I live (not as big as Murcia, but bigger than my village). It was a short path to where he had parked his car, but I enjoyed every meter that our hands kept together. Nothing happened. There was not many people on the street, and they seemed not to notice us.
Then the summer ended and I started university with everything that it involved, moving to a bigger city, for instance. I remember I thought, nothing happened when I hold Jose's hand in my city, why should something happen here, in a big city where everyone is caring only about what happen in their life? So I decided to have a walk with Jose through Santo Domingo, through Gran Vía... Enjoying the views, spending time together... Then I heard the same bad comments I heard once at the shore (as you might remember from an older post). I started noticing sights, whispers, staring eyes... And that made me feel uncomfortable.
Since then, nothing has been the same. I started looking for excuses to not holding hands, smoking more than usual to keep my hands out of Jose's hands... That makes me feel so stupid. Stupid because I let myself down for a few busybodies! I love Jose and I am afraid of showing it because I am afraid of someone hurting him, his feelings, or even his own person... I bet this was what all the people who called me fag since I was a child was expecting me to do, to become weak so they can do with me what they want. I used not to be like that, but now I have someone I truly love, and inside, something tells me that I have to protect him, even if it hurts me much more than a drubbing.
Finally, I want you, reader, to do something for me, for yourself, for everyone you have judged without being able to be on their feet, and it is what this video explains. Now you have to chose if you want an humanity where "coming out" still exist, or an humanity where love is respected equally.