Since I "came out" [to come out is something I would love to never hear again (I hope one day no one have to tell someone that he/she's attracted to the same gender), that would mean that we progressed a lot], I have experienced few situations that, by my perspective, are disgusting and experiences I pray for people to not live. One of these situations -besides of being shouted-, is awful. What I am talking about is the disgrace of walking holding hands with your beloved, if he/she's the same gender as you are.
It might seem not such a big deal, and I thought it was not a big deal when I started dating with Jose. Something that proves that I thought it was not necessarily for us to hide of the public view, was that, on our first date, I hold his hand on the street of the new city where now I live (not as big as Murcia, but bigger than my village). It was a short path to where he had parked his car, but I enjoyed every meter that our hands kept together. Nothing happened. There was not many people on the street, and they seemed not to notice us.
Then the summer ended and I started university with everything that it involved, moving to a bigger city, for instance. I remember I thought, nothing happened when I hold Jose's hand in my city, why should something happen here, in a big city where everyone is caring only about what happen in their life? So I decided to have a walk with Jose through Santo Domingo, through Gran Vía... Enjoying the views, spending time together... Then I heard the same bad comments I heard once at the shore (as you might remember from an older post). I started noticing sights, whispers, staring eyes... And that made me feel uncomfortable.
Since then, nothing has been the same. I started looking for excuses to not holding hands, smoking more than usual to keep my hands out of Jose's hands... That makes me feel so stupid. Stupid because I let myself down for a few busybodies! I love Jose and I am afraid of showing it because I am afraid of someone hurting him, his feelings, or even his own person... I bet this was what all the people who called me fag since I was a child was expecting me to do, to become weak so they can do with me what they want. I used not to be like that, but now I have someone I truly love, and inside, something tells me that I have to protect him, even if it hurts me much more than a drubbing.
Finally, I want you, reader, to do something for me, for yourself, for everyone you have judged without being able to be on their feet, and it is what this video explains. Now you have to chose if you want an humanity where "coming out" still exist, or an humanity where love is respected equally.

Christmas holidays brought me a lot of things. Things that I love, such as notes of English culture, or a whole German book to be studied. Now being serious, Christmas brought me a travel to Valencia; a coat to keep myself warm while I study in my flat (my flat is goddamn cold in winter and so freaking hot in summer); a mug of Game of Thrones that I love with a book that I was hoping to read soon, Inferno, by Dan Brown; a pair of Vans from my boyfriend that are super comfortable... 

Apart from the material stuff, Christmas brought me the tears of my grandfather missing my grandma during new year's eve; a visit to the cardiologist with mom; my mother stop smoking... Christmas brought me support and love; warm nights hugging my boyfriend; a hanky to dry my grandfather's tears, and nights begging to see my grandfather, at least, during a year more and hoping for more years with him. 

I guess Christmas is just another good excuse to be with your family, to love them even more if you can, and to pray for not miss them in a long time, because that would mean that you've got them there with you, saying that you have to study or to tidy your room. Being as tiring as always, and loving how tiring they are. 

Happy new year to everyone who's reading this, keep loving your family as if you were going to miss them tomorrow, don't focus on material things, because things break and you can fix them or buy them again, but what really hurts is being broken because of losing someone and not being able to spend more time with them.

I'm soooooooooooo done with my life. Not only with mine, but with life in general. For fuck's sake, yesterday night it happened again. Once again I was at the cinema with Jose, watching Big Hero 6, a movie that I didn't even want to watch, I went to the cinema trying to make Jose happy because he loves Disney movies... We bought the tickets, a few gummies, popcorn... And I felt so happy to spend time with him out of home, so I kissed him and I put my head on his shoulder while I watched the film. During this time, a woman that was siting near us, changed her sit. Half an hour later, and after being looking at us for a long time, the man who was sitting close to us also moved. 
What happened? What's wrong? I'm so tired of this that I'm not going to finish this post, I'm going to let you guess who did it wrong here. I'm out.

The Turbulence

I thought it was something that was just happening to me, but I guess I'm not that special. I'll explain that: I get really creative and emotional when I'm depressed or in a bad moment, so did Van Gogh. 

Van Gogh was a real genius that painted one of the hardest concepts in sciences: the Turbulence. 

He painted the Starry Night in one of his worst moments, when he wasn't himself, and made his problems art. It only happens with the Starry Night, and some more canvas that he painted when he cut his ear. We can see the Turbulence explained in this video: 

It is so brilliant how our brain takes us to the limits of the Earth, and as the sentence says, 

"The Earth without art is eh..."

Dear friend,

It’s been a long time since we don’t talk. I’ve been missing you a lot, you know? We used to be stick together, but now…

How’s everything going? I heard you’re dating someone… I guess it’s the reason we don’t talk that often. You don’t need me anymore. I used to be your muse, do you remember it? I’m sure you do… Since you left I’m reaching for you. Every day. Every month. Every year. I almost get you this past September 16^th, I beg it was tough for you, but you didn’t call me, I saw you from the distance, I got closer when you started crying. You thought you were alone in your room, but I was there.

I hope you consider to meet me again, even if you don’t miss me, I’ll be there helping you to write in your deepest sadness.

Sincerely yours, your muse, your deepest pains,

Your passed depression.

Hey…

Yes… I know it’s been a long time since you came around. Everything it’s awesome, as you may know.

Yes, I’m dating someone. And yes, he’s one of the reasons you’re not here and you’re not going to come back. 

I’m sorry for you, I’m sorry for being that rude, but talking to you again makes me wanna throw up.

I’m not alone anymore. 

You say that I was crying, but you might have leave before my mother came into my room to cry with me. To support me. To love me. I guess you didn’t see it, or maybe you didn’t want to see it, huh?

I’m sure I will meet you every 16^th of every month, but won’t last forever.

The aim of writing this was only for me to saying it to you.

I don’t need you to write.

I don’t need you to be there.

I was never yours.

Fuck you and never come back,

Juan Antonio. 

Comparing, contrasting and describing.

I learnt a few months ago to not compare with my sister, but today I have to do it in order that I didn't write here for a long time (I'm sorry, but I'm not inspired). 

The main difference between us is the gender, of course, she's a girl, although I have more boobs than her (sorry honey, but it's true, I've been eating a lot since you went to Turkey hahahaha). We may seem equal, as my boyfriend told me yesterday "the only difference is that your sister plucks her eyebrows!" But he's wrong... Most of you already barely know my personality, well, my sister is just the opposite: I have no shame. None at all. My sister does. She REALLY does. And of course here comes the topic that "girls are smarter than boys", that's not true, but in this case... I sadly say yes, it's true. Maybe she is smarter than me or I'm just too lazy to be as smart as she is. 

We used to fight a lot when we were kids, and we usually do it now that both are grown ups... I remember be kicking her door and screaming to my mother that she was hitting me and having fights with her more realistic than SmackDown Wrestling. 

By the way, what I meant with this is just write, even though it sucks because I have 0 inspiration, it was going to be in honor of my old and only sister (I'm not going to say her name because there's a lot of vicious people in class and they're going to look for her in Facebook ¬¬). Hahahaha. 

Here I adjunct some pictures of us, so you can compare and write who's the most beautiful (of course me). 

Most of the time when I get stressed, I just lay in my bed with my earphones dreaming about who could I be if I wasn’t myself. Trying to fly away from problems. Rozalén helps me when I feel like that.

There’s a lot of people who don’t know who she is, I’m lucky to know who she is. Rozalén is one of my favourite singers, and I had the pleasure to kiss her and hug her twice, talk to her and smash the myth that famous people live all above us. When you talk to her… I don’t know, it’s just like when you hear her music, it touches your heart to see that she’s just like you.

One thing that makes her even more special is that she sings to everyone, even deaf people, taking her music to every corner of the humanity. 

I had the chance to listen her twice in live, and I'm bringing her to this blog today for you to listen her. I was meant to write about cute things in this blog, so here’s Rozalén and here’s her music.

This is 'Eye in the sky', a cover that she made of the band Alan Parsons Project, live in Romea's Theater (10/10/14)

And here I post some photos I took of her the same day in this concert:

 Here's when she started singing with no mic. I'm sure all of us could hear her from every place of the theater... It was awesome.

And avoiding my face, here I am with Jose and Rozalén. 

It was a magic night.